I had to say goodbye this week to someone that I had not seen in a long long time. Someone who had been part of my life at one time. Someone I didn't expect to ever see again. Someone who had turned there back on me, and who I had turned my back on. So why did it surprised me when I felt sad knowing I probably will never see them again.
I saw my ex mother in law and my ex sister in law. It has been about 14 years since I have seen either of them, and other than once or twice for a five minute phone conversation when the ex had his heart attack three years ago I have not heard from them.
When my ex husband and I split up 11 years ago they just drop me out of there life. Not a phone call, or a letter to say how are you, is there anything I can do to help, do you need anything, kiss my ass, nothing, Nada. So of course I just let it go too.
Some of you who have been reading this blog a long time may or may not remember that my ex and his girlfriend life in the apartment building next door to mine. Yes a strange arrangement and a story for another day. We rarely see each other so as far as the living close goes we might as well be across town as far as staying out of each others business.
Anyway, he did tell me several weeks back that his mom and sister were coming to town and had mentioned they would like to see me, Ok I said, thinking to myself what ever So it surprised me a bit on the day they arrived I got a knock on my door. It was the ex and his sister. They had just got off the plane and the first thing that his mom wanted to do was see me. My ex mother in law has trouble with her legs and doest do much walking so of course she couldn't come to me, (I have stairs) so I went out to the car to visit awhile.
I was polite, talking a mile a minute, thinking ok, I am giving you five minutes of my time and since they were all heading out to dinner anyway I thought that was all I would be seeing of them.
Not to be...
The next night I get a phone call, it is my daughter wanting my husband and I to meet them for dinner at Golden Corral. What the heck I thought and off we go. Well when we all got there my ex and his girlfriend who are heavy smokers announced they were going to the smoking section, and left ME, MY HUSBAND, my daughter and grandson with them in the the No smoking section. I was so shocked. I could not believe the rudeness of it. How could he treat his mother that way. The poor woman is in her late 70's and walks with a walker. I went and helped her fix her plate. Taking back on the roll of daughter in law which no longer belonged to me. At the end of the meal my daughter and I left my grandson with the ex and took his mom and sister back to the hotel room where her and I visited for two hours.
In that time I think my heart melted a little. I was able to talk to my ex sister in law (who is just a year older than me) about some things that had happened to cause the divorce, Not hurtful things against her brother, but just truthful things about both of us and how things really were and how bad it had become. Things they needed to hear to somehow let the past become that. The past. To put behind the hurt and allow the healing to begin.
It would take me days and days and hundreds of post to talk about the why and the who and what had happened. Things that really don't matter now anyway. I have moved on, he has moved on. Life is never going to be the same and a sadness hung in the air but it does go on and it is good.
The next night we once again visited all of us this time at my daughters house, laughing having a good time. At the end of the night I knew I would have to say goodbye again.
This time probably for good. Changes are I will never see his mom or sister again. She is getting old. I am getting tired. I can't go back and hash the emotional hurt again. I need to go forward to keep healing to have a happy home with my new husband to enjoy my children and grand children and I can't do that living in the past. ...
Still it hurts, it hurts to say goodbye, to want to say so much, to say I'm sorry, I did love you, I wish I could change things, I wish it would be better...........I watched them drive away, I waved..I knew..somehow I knew..It was the last time..It is so hard
How Can I help you say goodbye?
Labels: Family Life