Thursday, August 3, 2006

Sharing a bit of the past

My ex got a nice surprise in his email this week. He got photos of his oldest grand daughter. She is almost 14 and he has not seen her since she was a little girl. I have not seen her since she was one year old. It's a long complicated story and since I am not her biological grandmother I have not mentioned her before. Technically I have no relationship to her except that her dad was my kids half brother. We only knew the young man for a short time before he was killed in a tragic car crash. It would take me an hour to write all the details of this story. It is much to complicated for a blog. But here is the short version. Before the ex and I met he had a one night stand with a young lady from his home town. She became pregnant from this but her and my ex never stayed in touch (he didn't know the baby was really his and she only contacted him once... like I said long complicated story that I won't go into on here) Anyway as it turns out she raised the baby on her own. Eighteen years went by when out of the blue one day my ex got a phone call from a family member telling him that this young lady from his past was looking for him. That his son wanted to meet him. I was at a neighbors at the time, and when I got home and he dropped this bomb shell in my lap I freaked. NO way I said...We didn't make any contact that night but some of the family "secrets" started to drift out. My in-laws at the time were visiting and admitted they had met the young man and knew about him. My ex and I chose not to make contact at that point, and time went by. A year or so later we were contacted again and at that time my ex did met his "son". It seems that well meaning parents had kept the two cross star loves (no love there remember this was a one night stand) apart. Parents number 1 (the girls mom) had intercepted letters that her daughter was writing to my ex and so of course he did not get them so he never knew the baby was really his. Well meaning parents number 2 (my ex in laws) Had known about the boy for years, but my ex mother in law felt it best not to tell me or my ex. We had met and married by the time she saw the boy and did not want our lives to be upset. As I said this is a long story...hang in there.Once the ex and I met his son and wife and baby we bonded. R, was in the Army and being sent over seas. We celebrated Christmas and his daughters first birthday. Then they had to go home. He had to go back to the base. On the way there he was killed in a car wreck. Ironically it happened in the town we now live in here in VA. After his death we lost contact with his wife. (her choice not ours). My ex has always longed for his first born grand daughter. My kids have always missed out on not only having a brother but a niece. Since the divorce I have tired not to offer any advice to him about her. However when the pictures came from her great grandmother I told him maybe it is time. She is almost 14. It should be her choice if she wants to know her grandpa and half Aunt and Uncle. I told him write her an email send it to great grandma who can forward it on to her mom, and if mom is ok with it then let her read it. I’m not sure he is going to do it…Keep your fingers crossed. We will see what happens. I’m posting a photo. I see a lot of family resemblance to my granddaughter who is her half first cousin…


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