I Haven't Been The Same Since That House Fell On My Sister
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Out of the mouth of babes
I have to share with you something funny that my grandson said.
As you all know my daughter is expecting another boy. Everyone in the family was hoping for a girl (we all are excited that its a boy now that it is settling in). Anyway even my grandson wanted a baby sister, so when his mom and I told him it was a brother it took him a few minutes to be ok with it. To help him along in his line of thinking I told him that a baby brother would be fun because when the baby got bigger we could all go to Gettysburg together (My grandson loves this place almost as much as I do). I went on to tell him how much fun it would be to run and play in the fields and that he could show him all the big cannons and tell him about the soldiers. He thought about this a minute and then said to me
"ok, but my brother will be little so he can't sleep on the top bunk (we had bunk beds when we took him up there last spring). So I (meaning himself) can sleep on the top with mommy and my brother can sleep on the bottom with you(meaning me)."
Ok I told him that is fine, the baby can sleep with me on he bottom..
"ok momo (he says) but you have to hold my baby really really tight, because there might be a ghost outside the window"
DON'T YOU LOVE IT!! Can you tell who's grand-kid he is *big smile*
On Oct. 9th, my husband Dean and I will celebrate 11 years from the day we first met. Or I should say met in person. We actually had "met" a little over a year or so before that, just briefly in a chat room on the Internet. I was going through a lot at the time, and was chatting with a lot of different people. He was just a name on the chat list. Months went by, my ex and I were fighting more and more. We made one final attempt to save that marriage by moving from Knoxville TN. back home to Virginia. Some time passed and one day while on the computer I once again noticed a familiar nickname. I honestly don't remember who messaged who first, but what I do remember is how he was always there for me. Listening at first to me whine and complain about how unhappy I was. He tired to encourage me to make a go of my quickly failing marriage. Trying to keep me smiling, sending me jokes, being there when I needed a friend. As time went on the marriage to the ex reached the point of no return and along that way my heart had started to beat for Dean and Dean alone. I did one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I sat my husband and kids down and told them that I planned on going to met a stranger off the computer.
No one was happy, Dean and I were both scared. Should we take the chance?
What would happen if it didn't work. A million questions raced through my head. My heart somehow won and I bought tickets to fly out to Salt Lake City. I flew straight into the arms of a wonderful loving man, with a big smile on his face and a dozen red roses in his hand. The next day was my birthday, and we shared a wonderful weekend getting to know each other.
All to soon I had to fly home. The next week I was living in a motel where I remained for six weeks until I once again flew out to Dean. This time he had everything he owned packed and we traveled together back here to Virginia. We moved in together in Dec. 1998 and I have tried not to look back. I wont sugar coat it and say that it has always been easy, because it hasn't. I have learned over the years that I should have done things different. Let more time pass before I jumped from one relationship to another. But Dean and my love has never wavered. It has remained strong and true.
So this year on my birthday, I will once again spend time with him. We will travel not to Utah or to VA. but to Gettysburg PA. We have a cabin booked, just the two of us..
This has been floating around the Internet for awhile, and I am sure I have posted something similar, but these types of things are always fun to do and someone learns something new about me. Let me know if you do this list so I can stop in.
25 Random Things
1. I have a very bad habit of leaving cabinet doors open.
2. I have always wanted to be a lawyer, or a social worker
3. I am a sales clerk and have worked retail on and off since I was 16.
4. I have a collection of old moonshine jugs
5. I believe in ghost and have been know to frequent haunted places
6. I like the mountains better than the beach
7. My favorite vacation was to Gettysburg PA.
8. I once had a job as a delivery driver for an auto company delivering parts.
9. I once spent the night in a cave with a group of teenagers and 100 boy scouts
10. I met my husband in a chat room on the Internet
11. After meeting him in person and spending 36 hours together we moved in together 6 weeks later. That was 11 years ago
12. I have two children, four step-children and two grandkids one more on the way and a step grand child on the way.
13. I have 23 first cousins on my mother’s side and 2 on my dad’s side.
14. I have been researching my family history for about 40 years
15. Chinese is my favorite food
16. Popcorn is my favorite snack
17. I drink Diet Dr. Pepper
18. I have lived in five states. Georgia, California, Maryland, Tennessee and Virginia
19. I am the oldest of three kids, I have a brother and a sister
20. I secretly want to live on a farm
21. I like Halloween better than Christmas
22. I have two cats and a dog
23. The dog thinks she can read and insist on sitting on my lap when I am at the computer
24. I never make my bed, I think it is a waste of time
25. I found this survey to be harder than I thought
Do you think it would be really really wrong of me to put a pink dress on my new grandson when he is born? (can you tell I want a girl)
On the serious side, I do have to admit I am disappointed. I know when all is said and done and Noah gets here it really won't matter. I am going to love and spoil this child, and think of him as my own, but I would have really loved to have a little girl to dress up and play with. I feel like I have always been cheated out of the chance to be a girly girl. My granddaughter is so far away. Girls just have more to choose from when it comes to clothes and accessories than a boy does.
Also Rebecca had her heart set on a girl this time. It really hurt me to see the look on her face when they told us it was a boy. She had not planned this baby, and really did not want it. She has had one emotional up and down after another in the last 4 1/2 months, and had really just started to accept the idea of a baby and started to get a bit excited at the thought it might be a girl and then boom. The air was just let out of her balloon. I tired to cheer her up and took her shopping, but the both of us were walked around going..DUH...
She has three big totes of baby clothes left over from Cody so she really doesn't need a thing. Let's face it, a blue sleeper is still just a blue sleeper. We left the store empty handed. Sigh.
Oh well at lest she won't have to spend much money, and the boys can share a room. That part will be good for my husband and I since I will probably never live in anything bigger than a two bedroom apt. I can fix up the extra room in a boys theme for them, where as if I had a girl I would have had to paint and decorate with a neutral color and curtains. Also I like the way Cody and Noah sound together, it slips off the tongue easy..
But maybe I can dress them both up as a princess, just once..At Halloween..Ok..Just once!
I had to say goodbye this week to someone that I had not seen in a long long time. Someone who had been part of my life at one time. Someone I didn't expect to ever see again. Someone who had turned there back on me, and who I had turned my back on. So why did it surprised me when I felt sad knowing I probably will never see them again.
I saw my ex mother in law and my ex sister in law. It has been about 14 years since I have seen either of them, and other than once or twice for a five minute phone conversation when the ex had his heart attack three years ago I have not heard from them.
When my ex husband and I split up 11 years ago they just drop me out of there life. Not a phone call, or a letter to say how are you, is there anything I can do to help, do you need anything, kiss my ass, nothing, Nada. So of course I just let it go too.
Some of you who have been reading this blog a long time may or may not remember that my ex and his girlfriend life in the apartment building next door to mine. Yes a strange arrangement and a story for another day. We rarely see each other so as far as the living close goes we might as well be across town as far as staying out of each others business.
Anyway, he did tell me several weeks back that his mom and sister were coming to town and had mentioned they would like to see me, Ok I said, thinking to myself what ever So it surprised me a bit on the day they arrived I got a knock on my door. It was the ex and his sister. They had just got off the plane and the first thing that his mom wanted to do was see me. My ex mother in law has trouble with her legs and doest do much walking so of course she couldn't come to me, (I have stairs) so I went out to the car to visit awhile.
I was polite, talking a mile a minute, thinking ok, I am giving you five minutes of my time and since they were all heading out to dinner anyway I thought that was all I would be seeing of them.
Not to be...
The next night I get a phone call, it is my daughter wanting my husband and I to meet them for dinner at Golden Corral. What the heck I thought and off we go. Well when we all got there my ex and his girlfriend who are heavy smokers announced they were going to the smoking section, and left ME, MY HUSBAND, my daughter and grandson with them in the the No smoking section. I was so shocked. I could not believe the rudeness of it. How could he treat his mother that way. The poor woman is in her late 70's and walks with a walker. I went and helped her fix her plate. Taking back on the roll of daughter in law which no longer belonged to me. At the end of the meal my daughter and I left my grandson with the ex and took his mom and sister back to the hotel room where her and I visited for two hours.
In that time I think my heart melted a little. I was able to talk to my ex sister in law (who is just a year older than me) about some things that had happened to cause the divorce, Not hurtful things against her brother, but just truthful things about both of us and how things really were and how bad it had become. Things they needed to hear to somehow let the past become that. The past. To put behind the hurt and allow the healing to begin.
It would take me days and days and hundreds of post to talk about the why and the who and what had happened. Things that really don't matter now anyway. I have moved on, he has moved on. Life is never going to be the same and a sadness hung in the air but it does go on and it is good.
The next night we once again visited all of us this time at my daughters house, laughing having a good time. At the end of the night I knew I would have to say goodbye again.
This time probably for good. Changes are I will never see his mom or sister again. She is getting old. I am getting tired. I can't go back and hash the emotional hurt again. I need to go forward to keep healing to have a happy home with my new husband to enjoy my children and grand children and I can't do that living in the past. ...
Still it hurts, it hurts to say goodbye, to want to say so much, to say I'm sorry, I did love you, I wish I could change things, I wish it would be better...........I watched them drive away, I waved..I knew..somehow I knew..It was the last time..It is so hard
How Can I help you say goodbye?
This day is flying by and there is a million things I want to do. I never seem to have enough hours in my day. I slept late and then got up, turned on the TV, checked my email, Wrote a letter, checked the blogs etc. Finally I decided I better motivate myself and did some laundry. I got one load done and another in when I realized I needed to run to the store. I know a lot of people boycott Walmart but it is still my store of choice when it comes to buying odds and ends, because like it or not they are just plain cheaper on there prices. I had the afternoon to myself so I strolled up and down the isles taking my time and looked around. I found a storage container just the right size to use for my upcoming trip to Gettysburg. I plan on putting things like paper plates silver ware (the plastic kind) a spatula matches, Aluminum foil and that kind of stuff in there. I am bad to throw things into bags, and then when it is time to use them I can't find them. I hope this organizes me. I also bought a new knife for paring. I probably have a dozen but I haven't bought a new one in a long time so it was an impulse buy. Once in awhile we just have to have something for no reason. I also bought a new house plant to kill for the living room.
Other than that I just got odds and ends. As I was putting my things into my car an elderly man approached me. He quickly told me he was not looking for a ride, but claimed he had just got off the bus (the station is about a half mile away)and that they had told him there was a shelter with in walking distance. He went on to say he was homeless. I told him no there was not a shelter nearby, and I suggested he go over to the end of the parking lot where there is a drop off shed for one of the local thrift stores. I explained to him perhaps they could help him since some usually is there. He started to ask me another question but I cut him short telling him that was all the help I could give him. Got in my car and closed the door.
Rude? Heartless? Maybe, but I have heard this EXACT same story by other people in this same Walmart before. It really irritated me, because I know it is a scam. They are just trying to get people to give them money. With this in mind I drove up the front entrance of the building where I saw an employee going in. When I told him what had happened he told me they already knew about the man. Since I had my window down I could hear what he said to the lady at the door checking bags....Are you ready for this He told her I was RATTING OUT the old man in the parking lot..EXCUSE ME! RATTING OUT? I believe I was reporting someone who was clearly stopping customers and harassing them. There are big signs all over the parking lot that states NO SOLISTING OF ANY KIND. I think this means trying to get people to feel sorry for you and hoping you will give them a hand out. Now mind you I could have very well gave the man a dollar and went on my way. I wouldn't have missed it, but the point is if he really was down and out and needing to find a local shelter why didn't he simply go inside and ask for a phone book. He could have got the number of several places in our area that would help him. Heck they probably would have even come to pick him up. No phone you say? Well I am sure the walmart store manager would have called for him. Also just for the record, there is a grocery store, two chain store hardware stores a large buffet restaurant and several small stores all in the strip shop with Walmart.. It makes me wonder just how much money he made today. To top it off as I was sitting at the light waiting to leave. Another guy was standing there with a sign that said HOMELESS HELP PLEASE... What part of help your self and get a job don't people get..GEEZE!
*Note* I am not making light of those in our country who truly are homeless and need real help. It is these men (and women) like I met today who try and scam others that make me angry. It really does give those in real need a bad reputation and causes people as myself to not want to deal with a person who is down and out. This makes me sad because the next time someone might really need my help and I would turn a deaf ear because of these people.
Isn't it funny how we always say we will never be like our mom, then we turn around as we get older and do what they did. Both my kids grew up with a house full of animals. At times I lost track of just how many we had, and when times got hard between there dad and I I'm afraid the mess they made was about as big as the mess the marriage was in. When the kids grew up they both swore they would never have animals in there house, but both of them have had to eat there words. My daughter has three cats and now I have a new grand -dog....A 13 week old female Pug named Chi Chi...My son just adopted her. She is so cute!
She seems to have a bit more black on her than my Pug has, but I like that. It will be awhile before we get to meet the new pup. My son is in CA. on a job now and bought her out there. He will be flying her home with him n a couple of months when he comes back to the area.
This is a recent show from "Ghost Hunters"
This episode was filmed locally at the beautiful Edgewood Plantation. Although I have not been inside I have driven by several times. After watching this show I may have to talk the hubby into a romantic get away weekend.
It's the full moon, and if things don't get better than they have been the last few days your going to find me outside howling at it like the crazy woman I am.
It seems like it is always something around here. I mentioned how my sister moved out, and how heart broken she is. So of course I am upset for her. This all happened over the weekend. Then on Tues/ actually Wed. morning about 5 AM. my phone rang. It was my daughter. She had a huge fight with her boyfriend and was calling to tell me she was on the way over. It seems that he went to work that night (he works over nights a few nights a week at Wal-Mart) and was suppose to get off at 2. She woke up about 3:30 and he wasn't home. She started calling him and got no answer, Finally about 4:15 he comes in. Lies to her, telling her he worked late and went to bed. Suspision she checks his phone for outgoing and in going calls. She finds that about 10 minutes after he was suppose to get off work at 2, he called someone. Being the typical woman that she is she called the number and got the answering machine of a girl/young woman. She promptly woke him up demanding to know who the girl was. At this point he confessed and told her that he had been out after work (at 2) smoking pot with some friends from work and that this girl was with them. He was driving my daughters car, which is registered in my ex husbands name.
So here he is..out partying, smoking dope and running around in the middle of night with friends..Gee that really makes me like this jerk better...NOT
My daughter did pack a bag, and came home for the day, but went back last night. I really want to smack her, but I can't force her to leave him.. Even his own mom talked to her and told her he isn't going to change. She has to learn things the hard way.
I have lost what little respect I had left for the boyfriend (and believe me it wasn't much). My daughter is on my s**t list for lying to me, because she knew he had smoked pot before. I am really angry about it. She told me he didn't do drugs. I've told her things are only going to get worst when the baby comes..Like I said she has to learn the hard way. I can only tell her and be here for her, I can't live her life for her. She is going to have to do this on her own. She knows deep down that she needs to get out. She just is not emotionally strong enough to do it..